


feeling unknown and you're all alone

by melongay



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: ...but not Like That, Blood and Injury, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Missing Scene, Mutual Pining, Sharing a Bed, not a whole lot but just in case
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-17
Updated: 2018-10-17
Packaged: 2019-08-03 11:50:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16325666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melongay/pseuds/melongay
Summary: When Kaylie laid eyes upon the prettiest girl she’d ever seen, she threw up a little in her mouth.Not, of course, because she was sickened by the girl, but rather because she was absolutely plastered and her stomach was pathetically trying to reject whatever the hell she was drinking.





	feeling unknown and you're all alone

**Author's Note:**

> heard we're making this missing scene gay. /good./
> 
> this is unbeta'd yeehaw

When Kaylie laid eyes upon the prettiest girl she’d ever seen, she threw up a little in her mouth.

 

Not, of course, because she was sickened by the girl, but rather because she was absolutely plastered and her stomach was pathetically trying to reject whatever the hell she was drinking. 

 

The girl didn’t notice the drunken gnome gawking at her as she passed. Her hardened expression and white streaks in her hair made it hard to place her age. Like, extremely hard. The important-looking papers she had her nose buried in tipped Kaylie off that she was finally looking at someone in charge of this castle.

 

Kaylie wiped a bit of bile dribbling from the corner of her mouth using the back of the hand holding the bottle of liquor she was nursing. She looked at the bottle and then back up to the girl again. If she was in charge, she probably wouldn’t want to know that a complete stranger was drinking the castle’s expensive alcohol.

 

Who the hell was she kidding? She didn’t want a cute girl seeing her like this to begin with. Shirt wrinkled and covered in spills and vomit and tears, eyes bloodshot and puffy from hours of crying. Not to mention a silver tongue normally so well-tuned to weaving charismatic words reduced to a mouth that currently only produced brutish phrases or embarrassingly emotional sobs. 

 

The pretty girl rounded the corner and Kaylie watched as she leaned against the cold, pale stone of the wall. It was the middle of the afternoon, and she wondered if that team of annoyances that dragged her here would be back soon or when her father was going to wake up. She decided she didn’t want to be around when either of those things occurred, and decided to stumble into the nearest tavern.

* * *

 

Cassandra’s reaction to hearing piano music somewhere in the castle at night was what any rational person would have felt. Besides the few servants and guards, who knew better than to slack off and play around with the de Rolos’ personal belongings, the only other person currently in the castle was the, supposedly, still comatose Scanlan. Her trepidation turned to confusion that maybe he had woken up and not alerted anyone. The confusion quickly faded to happiness as she decided that it didn’t really matter anyway, as long as he was awake and had enough energy to liven up the dreary castle with a little music.

 

She made her way to the nearly untouched music room. Cassandra hadn’t had the time or resources to hire someone to come and tune up the grand piano after nearly six years of disuse. The sour notes carried a rather lovely tune in spite of this. She leaned into the doorway upon arrival and silently waited for Scanlan to finish the song.

 

Her heart skipped a beat as her eyes fell upon the figure at the piano. They were short like the bard she was used to seeing, but… they were definitely a girl. An incredibly disheveled one at that. Intruders in the castle wasn’t a thing Cassandra wanted to think about. Did the guards really just let in some  _ vagrant _ from outside? Before she could back away the girl lazily looked up.

 

The look of shock the gnomish girl gave was followed by, in rapid succession, a discordant chord, the sound of the piano bench being unsuccessfully scooted back, the sound of the piano bench toppling over, and finally the sound of the girl’s head smacking the floor.

 

“Oh my goodness!” Cassandra rushed over to the gnome and took a knee beside her. The smell of booze hit her like a suckerpunch to the face. “Um…” finding the mysterious (drunk!) girl and watching her fall left her searching for words, “Are you all right?”

 

“Wait… aw,  _ fuck _ .” The gnome blinked slowly as the events of the past five seconds caught up to her. “Shit…  _ Shit _ , I’m--” She sat up, instinctively swatting away Cassandra’s hand as she tried to help stabilize her.

 

“Oh, sweetheart, you’re bleeding,” Cassandra glanced behind the girl to see a small smear of red against the floor and a glistening crimson patch matting in her short hair. She reached out towards the wound and her hand was smacked away again.

 

“Don’t touch me,” her words, despite being slurred, were still sharp enough to convey a harsh warning, “Don’t call me sweetheart, either.”

 

Cassandra withdrew her hands. The girl was obviously way too drunk to feel pain and to comprehend the seriousness of the injury. “Can I at least help you bandage that up? I’m not just going to let you walk around with that. What’s your name?”

 

The gnome gazed up at Cassandra, eyes having a hard time focusing. Her expression immediately softened up, and she swore she saw her already drunken cheeks flush brighter. “Oh. Uh… I mean,” her tone was sheepish “S-sure.” She stood up on unsteady legs, leaning against the toppled piano bench for support, “I’m Kaylie.” There was a beat of paused as Kaylie’s gaze darted between the cute girl and the floor. “I’m-I’m allowed to be here. I swear,” she stammered. “The fuckin’...” she waved her hand, gesturing to six metaphysical individuals, “ _ Whatevers _ … Brought me here earlier. I’m Scanlan’s daughter.” That last word felt like sandpaper against the inside of her stomach. She hoped she never had to say that ever again.

 

“Oh…  _ Oh. _ ” That was a lot of information in one sentence to unpack. Giving a brief moment of reflection to recall perhaps hearing about Scanlan having a daughter. It was in passing, and she concluded that she must have misheard someone. Percival certainly never brought it up. Their conversations as of late had been limited to the administration of Whitestone, dragons, or the ziggurat. Besides, she was too polite to try to pry that kind of private information out of someone.

 

“I’m Cassandra,” she finally replied after what she felt was too long of a silence to be comfortable with, “ _ Lady _ Cassandra... de Rolo. I’m Percival’s sister.” She scolded herself for letting her eloquence slip. She politely held out her hand to steady the gnome as she rose and tucked a stray lock behind her ear.

 

Ah, the white haired one. No wonder she looked familiar. Kaylie took the hand presented to her just long enough to make sure she was stable enough to follow beside Cassandra. Her hand was  _ so soft  _ and Kaylie’s was _ so clammy _ ; she didn’t want the embarrassment of extended contact. 

 

Cassandra brought Kaylie to her bedroom and instructed her to stay put while she fetched some dressings. The gnome stood in silence, taking in the soft colors and fine silks of the human’s room. The bed was immaculate, not a single piece out of place on her desk or vanity. It smelled delicately of perfume and parchment and old novels and  _ girls _ . Girls Kaylie admired in more ways than one. Girls Kaylie might’ve yearned to be if she wasn’t so comfortably rooted in being a drunk. A gambler. Messy, impulsive, and violent. A girl she could be if she wasn’t here. Wasn’t her father’s--

 

She felt the bile rise again. This time she couldn’t tell if it was from the alcohol, the anxiety of being in a pretty girl’s room, or the fact she was even stupid enough to be in this castle in the first place, drinking and standing in strangers’ bedrooms waiting for her father to wake up.

 

She squeezed her eyes shut to relieve the pressure building behind them and the tears that threatened to expose her.

 

The sound of the dark wooden door was enough of a distraction to keep her from crying. Cassandra pushed it open with her back while carrying in a silver tray, upon which sat bandages, a cloth, a bowl of water, and a teapot and two teacups. “You can sit down,” her smile inviting as she set the tray down on her bed.

 

Kaylie wordlessly, but oh so hesitantly obliged, shuffling over to the bed, waiting for Cass to change her mind about letting her dirty up her pretty silken sheets. She removed her boots before sitting, curling in one foot to meet the inner thigh of her other leg. She didn’t make eye contact. “Don’t you have nurses for this shit?” She slurred, looking down and idly picking at a loose thread on her pants she couldn’t quite grasp with her clumsy drunken hands. 

 

Cassandra glided over to seat herself behind the gnome. “We do,” she agreed, “But it’s just nice to have a girl my age to talk to.” She picked up the cloth from the tray and dipped it into the bowl of water. She paused, letting her words sit on her mind for a second. “I-I mean… assuming…” she was grateful Kaylie’s back was to her and unable to see the blush that crossed her cheeks. “... How old are you?”

 

Kaylie turned her head just enough to give Cassandra a glazed-over look. She took note of the blush, which the human picked up on. “Old enough.” She returned to face forward again.

 

Cass gave a hum of understanding. She’d used the same line before with people questioning her new authority. The gnome didn’t seem to be protesting, though. She continued with her ministrations, wiping off the trickle of blood that had crawled down Kaylie’s neck and was matting in her hair. “Does that hurt?” she gingerly patted the wound itself.

 

“My blood’s more alcohol than blood,” Kaylie replied, tone flat, cheek resting on knuckles, “It’s gonna hurt like a bitch in the morning. It’s gushing too, I bet.”

 

Cassandra gave another hum, this time in confirmation. “I’ll do my best to bandage it, but we should clean it again in the morning.” The cloth became darker and darker with every dab against the thinned blood. She wrung it out once into the bowl, turning the water the same rosy tone as her bedsheets. She patted the wound with the dry corner of the cloth before pressing a piece of gauze over it and wrapping bandaging cloth around Kaylie’s head to keep it in place. The maneuver was similar to trying to tie a bow on a present with no helping hand, but Cass managed and was honestly quite proud of her work. “All done!”

 

“Hm?” Kaylie’s head perked up and whipped around to look at Cassandra. Had she really fallen asleep?

 

“I said I’m done,” Cassandra stifled the smallest of giggles behind her hand. She scooted around to sit beside Kaylie and poured them both a cup of tea from the pot. Kaylie stared at the offering for a minute before taking it more out of politeness than any actual want. If it wasn’t spiked, she didn’t want it at the moment.

 

… But Cass was cute. Everything she did was cute, and Kaylie at least wanted to indulge her if it meant her continuing to be cute and nice to her.

 

Maybe she wasn’t being polite. Maybe she just craved the attention that much, like her clammy hands now craved the heat of the tea inducted by the porcelain. She took a calculated sip. The blend of currently unrecognizable herbs cascaded down her throat, heating the ache in her chest and settling her discontented stomach. She bit back a second wave of tears with another, longer sip.

 

“You’re a wonderful pianist,” Cass finally chimed in with that sweet bell of a voice, “Are you a bard like your father?”

 

Kaylie gave a low grumble, “I’m a bard like  _ myself _ .” She took another sip and stared at the wall in front of her to keep herself from going off about being compared to him. Cassandra didn’t need to hear that. “That was a song I knew by heart. I can play it from muscle memory even shitfaced. I prefer the violin or flute more.” She snorted, not sure if her performer facade was taking over or if she was genuinely just enjoying chatting with the human. She hoped it was the latter. “Can’t exactly whip a piano out anywhere.”

 

“That’s very true.” Cass lifted her teacup to her lips with a delicateness that came with nearly two decades of being a noble.

 

Another few minutes of unfortunately awkward silence befell the room, the only sound was the uncouth slurping noises Kaylie made whenever she sipped the tea. Her eyes glazed at the wall still, wondering if she had overstayed her welcome in the feminine sanctuary of Cassandra’s room and if she should return to being her father’s bedside post. A shame-filled, messy room where she fit in much better.

 

As if she were divining her thoughts, Cassandra piped up, “I’m not holding you hostage. You can go if you feel uncomfortable.” There was a noticeable pang in her voice.

 

For the first time all night, Kaylie looked Cassandra in the eyes. She really took in how breathtakingly blue they were. And take her breath they did, because her mouth flapped a few times before words were formed. “No… No. As long as you’re cool with it.” There was no stopping the tears that crawled down her cheeks. Her eyes, big and golden brown like sun-kissed bark, became wet and heavy and  _ tired _ . “It’s nice hearing someone talk  _ back _ , ya know?”

 

Kaylie broke into hushed sobs. As much as she wanted to cry, and as much as she felt she could be vulnerable around this girl she had known for less than an hour, she didn’t feel like Cassandra deserved to hear her be ugly. She was getting an eyeful of her at her lowest, she could at least be courteous enough to keep her voice to a minimum.

 

Cass reached out and placed a hand on Kaylie’s thigh. She didn’t try to pull away. She didn’t even flinch. Kaylie only ever let other girls touch her in any manner, and it had been so long since she’d been around another woman. Even longer since she’d been around a girl of similar age. Her touch was burning hot against the gnome’s starved skin. Uninhibited, Kaylie leaned against Cass’ shoulder, small head not nearly as heavy as she thought it would be. Her teacup tipped and spilled onto her pants.

 

And she just sobbed.

 

Cass didn’t mind in the slightest. An understanding smile tugged at the corners of her lips. One hand lowered her teacup to her lap, the other curled up to nestle into Kaylie’s locks. Her hair was surprisingly soft, she noted as she deftly untucked a few strands from beneath the dressings. 

 

There was solace in having a body pressed against her side. A pressure warm and comforting, knowing someone wanted you, even if it was just for a moment. Did Kaylie know how charming she was? Maybe it was the novelty of someone so rough in her cushy shelter of a room. 

 

… Maybe it was because she developed feelings for this raw and vulnerable girl in an embarrassing amount of time.

 

Cass felt her body heat up at the thought. She lightly nuzzled Kaylie’s hair. There was an unmistakable odor of alcohol and sweat, but it wasn’t entirely off-putting. “It’s ok,” her words were just as much for Kaylie as they were for herself.

 

Kaylie shook with her throes of sobs. She felt her nose begin to run and wiped it on her sleeve, only adding to the other stains clinging there.

 

“You need some rest,” Cassandra chided, carding her fingers through her short hair. The nails therapeutically scratching against her scalp made the smallest contented groan escape her lips, choked out by another sob. ‘Please don’t stop doing that,’ the voice in her head pleaded.

 

“You’re… Yeah, you’re right. I gotta--” she began to slide off the bed, but was stopped just before her feet hit the floor. The teacup clattered onto the floor, and for a moment Kaylie was afraid she’d broken it, but it remained unscathed.

 

Cass’ hand held firmly to Kaylie’s arm. A beat passed before she spoke up again, “You can sleep here if you want.” That was innocent enough, right? Considering how needlessly large Cassandra’s bed was, and how little room Kaylie took up, it would be easy enough to keep a generously platonic space between them.

 

Kaylie blinked past her tears towards the door, down to the floor and the teacup, and absently back to the door.

 

“... Fine.”

 

She probably didn’t have enough energy or coordination to try to navigate back to her dad’s room.

 

And this bed was infinitely comfier than that chair, anyway.

 

A power nap couldn’t hurt right? It’s not like he’d wake up in the next hour, right? She didn’t want to think about it.

 

Cassandra managed to remove the tray before Kaylie collapsed sideways, as if she were an undead crumpling to the ground in defeat. Her eyes were unfocused and barely open, the last of her tears rolling sideways across the bridge of her nose.

 

Cassandra plucked the fallen teacup and returned it to the tray. By the time she looked back up, Kaylie’s eyes were already closed. Screwed shut, rather. She set the tray outside of her door, and exchanged her day dress for her nightgown behind her changing screen. She blew out the candle on her nightstand, but before she snuffed out the lantern on her boudoir, she gave one last glance at Kaylie. She could tell there was still a fair bit of anxiety in the way she curled up. She snuffed the lantern and took a moment to bring the knitted blanket folded at the foot of the bed to cover the gnome’s legs and hips. Cass bit her lip, paused and then pressed a feather-light kiss to Kaylie’s temple. She didn’t move.

 

Cass made her way to the other side of the bed and crawled under the covers. “Thanks for keeping me company,” her whisper barely audible to even herself, “You’re a good person. I can tell.”

 

Her last thought before she let sleep overtake her was how she wanted to get to know Kaylie better. The pit of her stomach told her that may not happen.

* * *

 

Kaylie’s racing heart woke her with a jolt. She sat up to check her surroundings, but was blinded by an unmistakable pounding in the front of her head and a stinging pain in the back. Through the pain, she pieced together what exactly she was doing in… oh, shit she was in Cassandra’s room. ‘We didn’t…’ she glanced down ‘No. My pants are still on.’ She didn’t want to know whether she found that relieving or slightly frustrating. She kicked the blanket off and slipped off the bed. The shockwave of her feet hitting the floor rocketed up her aching legs, through her torso and straight to her all-over headache. She flinched and groaned, groping for her boots in the dark. 

 

A quick glance out the window showed her that the earliest bit of the grey of morning were threatening to break over the horizon. Her heartbeat was in her throat at the thought of sleeping that long, of being away from her vigil.

 

She stumbled through the castle halls to her dad’s room. He didn’t stir as she entered. Still tied to the bed. Still wearing the nightgown. Still covered in something unidentified and paste-like. Definitely not as funny as the first time seeing it. Not really funny at all at this point.

 

Kaylie tossed her boots towards the pile of her belongings. With shaking hands, she rummaged through her bag and pulled out her emergency flask. The alcohol was cheap as shit and akin to boot polish, but it calms her nerves as it goes down.

 

She slumped into her chair, and raised her flask towards the comatose body of Scanlan. “Morning, old man.” She downed the rest before drifting off to sleep again.

* * *

 

Cassandra worried when she noticed Kaylie had left sometime during the night. She tried to get herself to eat some breakfast for posterity’s sake, but only opted for some coffee. She heard her brother and the rest of Vox Machina return.

 

She finally saw Kaylie about an hour later, belongings in hand, trembling in the castle foyer. Her bandages were gone. Cass approached from the side and reached out to touch her shoulder, but her hand was swiftly and forcefully batted away. “Leave me the fuck alone.”

 

Before she could ask what was wrong, she caught another figure out of the corner of her eye.

 

“Scanlan!” She exclaimed, “You--”

 

“Shut up.” He pushed past her with a sideways glance He was clean, wearing his own clothes again. Belongings in hand. “Let’s go, Kaylie.”

 

Cassandra’s pleading gaze met Kaylie’s for the last time, a wordless question being spoken between their eyes.

 

“Your brother’s a jackass.” She said as if that was the only excuse for never seeing her again.

 

Cassandra swore she saw tears forming at the corner of Kaylie’s eyes as she and her father walked out of the castle.

**Author's Note:**

> I think about this ship a lot they're so cuTE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA


End file.
